This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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