Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
