He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
