New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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