i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My ATM looks so different sober.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize