i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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