my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize