TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
