I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
