went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize