well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
