Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
