Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
