She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
