Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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