We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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