Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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