I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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