there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
