I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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