It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
