with your own penis?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
