She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize