Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
