Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
