I don't think brook has ever known best
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
