I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
