Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
