Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
