We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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