Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
