is your mom at the bar?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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