If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
