I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
