u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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