you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
