so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
