i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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