i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
