I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
