It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
