you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
