you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
