life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
