normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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