Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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