White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Please don't give away my fajitas
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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