The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There r osticjed everywhere
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
