its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he was CRYING into my vagina
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
