Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Vodka?
Forever.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize