i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
