I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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