She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
