i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need to align my fucking chakras
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
