Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize