Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
