Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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