If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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