The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am midnight drunk by noon
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
