Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
