i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
