I think my fart just growled at me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize