its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
