Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
