HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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