also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
