Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
