24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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