hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
