I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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